Learning....BLAH!

How many times have you felt a certain way, but gone in a completely wrong direction, then when you get there, you see a big fat sign saying, "Please turn around, you're going the wrong way!" then you want to turn around and head for the hills? I can honestly say, that has been my life in the past, oh...6 years. From graduating high school, to going off and getting hitched...only to realize (NOW) I should have just stayed and gone to school...I could be doing what I absolutely LOVE right now! However, I should say -- I do not live in the past, nor regret my decisions. Last night, as I was laying on my couch...in severe pain from my stinking kidneys...I was thinking...I am pretty content with my life and the decisions I have made. Sure, that college thing is going to happen...not looking forward to it, but I'll get there! Sure, I have to sacrafice some time with my handsome fella to get it done, but it will happen. I have used this sentence in the past couple of weeks, OFTEN..."I'm just going to let things happen"... but when I do that, I don't realize that I push them to happen the way I want to, and not just "let it happen"... so that's what I'm going to do. Pray...Wait...and Listen. This is coming from a pretty impatient person. Actually, really impatient. In fact, I don't think I have ever been patient for anything...other than winning the lottery. :) Another time when I saw that big fat sign...getting hitched. What on earth was I thinking? Sure, Ty is the best little miracle to come from that horrendousness, but come on, God...why couldn't I have had my glasses on when I passed that sign? But as I was painfully thinking last night (ha!) I thought to myself, "I honestly learned my lesson!!" What a crappy lesson, but hey...I learned it. It's like when you're in high school and the teacher is going over, lets say, GEOMETRY. I have NEVER, EVER used Geometry since that moment. It's those things you learn, that you have no use for...but you know them because the teacher is pounding them in your head. It's kind of like that. I have learned, so far - as much as I could have - what it's like to be a single parent...to go through the things my mom had to experience. I have thought to myself (and out loud) - "How did mom do it?? With 2 kids??" Gives you a little more respect for someone when you're sitting in their big whoppin' shoes. I have learned that you have to WORK for things you want...and save for things you want to do or buy. Learn not to trust people so much. Learn not to take family for granted. They WONT always be there. Cherish the time you have with them. I have done just that. Never in my wildest, did I think I would be losing my mom 3 years ago. Nor, did I think I would be able to live without her. I talked to her every single day, and still - to this day, want to pick up the phone and call her, just to vent...The feeling of knowing that I can't do that...such a bad feeling. That word. Learning. Yes, I missed out on college 6 years ago (Lord, I could almost be a doctor...::keep writing::) but the life lessons I have learned would be enough to last me a life time. Thus, I have created a list. A list of things I want to do, people I want to surround myself with, things I want to accomplish, things I want Ty to value, just as much as I did. It started out as a small list - in my head - that I made when I left Brandon...of things I would not ever live around/with anymore. More like an, ah hum,...next spouse list?? Yes, that's it. It started out as that...of things I want, things I don't want. Boy, has it grown. It has branched out to be about 3 different lists. I have kept this list to myself, until now. People know I have it, they just don't know what it says. Well, look at me, Ms. Blogger...opening up. I just wanted to share...so that you guys know where I'm coming from and what I've LEARNED in the past 6 years.
Okay, Okay - This may not be realistic, but it'll be dang close. I may have to change a few...but not the most important ones :)

List #1 - My MAN list
MUST be a Christian and attend church regularly
MUST not have any addictions
MUST not smoke - YUCKO
MUST love Ty and treat him like his own
MUST love me and treat me the way I deserve
MUST have a job
MUST have money - haha...okay, that one I may have to change...but hopefully not!
MUST have a car

MUST be able to support himself...before me!
MUST be family oriented
MUST like to travel
MUST be willing to have a female (ME) as his best friend
I'm sure I'll be adding wayyyy more to this as time goes on...but that's the gist of it!

List #2 - My list to Ty
I want him to know how much I have tried to make his life the best possible
I want him to know how much I love him and support him
I want him to appreciate me and the things I do for him
I want him to know I'm proud of him
I want him to be my little Heisman boy...hey...dream big or go home...what I say :)
I want him to be a family man and know how to treat a woman - AND HE WILL
I want him to be raised in church - AND HE WILL BE
I want him to succeed in everything he does in life
I want him to know that even though I can't give him EVERY THING that he wants, I will try my very best.
I want him to know the value of a dollar
I want him to know that certain things in life ARE NOT OKAY
I want him to know that certain things in life ARE OKAY
I want him to know how much I love him, never to question it.
I don't want him to hate me for leaving his dad
I don't want him to hate me...Period.
I don't want him to EVER question my love for him and why I did the things I did.
I could go on and on...

List #3 - Things I want
I want to be the best mother Tyler could ever ask for
I want to go back to school and GRADUATE
I want to continue to hold God in front of me...(and behind me...if I do happen to fall)
I want this stinking divorce over with!!
I want to get my car paid off so I can get rid of this ridiculous car payment
I want to win the lottery..haha! (Just making sure you're paying attention!)
I want to own my own house
I want to meet the man of my dreams
I want to succeed for once.
I want to make Ty proud of me
I want my family to know how much I love them, even if I don't tell them
I want to give Ty all I can possibly give him
I want to travel...ALL OVER. Ireland #1.
I want Ty to be there.
I want to take chef classes - just for fun :)
I want to take pictures...of everything - and actually show people :)
I want to know that if anything ever happened to me that I did all that I could do to complete every single thing on all of these lists.
Sure, it may not all happen...and it just may - it just might take a while. But I plan on sticking on this earth for a few more years...God gave me the time to do it, and I only get one chance. So, this is it! I think everyone should have a "list"...maybe not 3...maybe just 1, but it helps put things in perspective. I'm excited.

Some pictures :)

Also...check out my new furniture!!