Happy Mother's Day!
Wednesday, April 28, 2010
Happy Mother's Day!
Well, I wanted to wish all of you mommies out there a wonderful Mother's Day! I absolutely love being a mother to the most wonderful, handsome, funny, pacifier sucking, still drinking a night-time bottle, happy, cranky, interesting, make mommy laugh so hard she almost pees her pants every day - little boy on the planet :) Being a mother is the best gift God has blessed me with and I wouldn't change it for the world!!! I have a little confession - (Stacy..don't freak! You'll be fine!!!!!! I PROMISE!!!!) I had a slight freak-out a couple of weeks ago...Meltdown...whatever. Yep...I sure did. So, let me re-cap. Sunday morning (2 weeks ago) 7am, Ty wakes up...cranky as ever. Pooped in his diaper during the night...not a happy camper. I got him up and changed him, so ticked, he is kicking the crap out of me...touching himself...getting poop all over his hands (grr!) - wipes..problem solved. Oh, but no. Mr. Peebody (who hasn't done this in FOREVER) starts whizzing all over the place...on his face, in the floor, on mommy...ok. Bath time. (Ahead of schedule...) ok. Cries, the entire bath. I get him out, put him in his high chair to eat, bawling. Won't eat a single thing. Finally, calms down - mommy finds a pretty good chance to jump in the shower. Half way through, he's BAWLING. I'm wet, sorry charlie...hang on. I take a speed shower, dry off, get him out. Spongebob didn't do the trick for him. So, here I am. Trying to get ready while I have a little rugrat standing at my feet, bawling, "ma ma ma ma" then he cries so hard, that tongue makes the noise, the PISSED noise. So, I pick him up...calm. Sweet. As I go to put on my make up, Tyler insists on grabbing my makeup, my brushes (while I'm putting it on) gets it ALL OVER the place. By this point...I have pretty much already decided that church would have to wait this Sunday...but I keep trying. 10:50..(church starts at 11) I am finally done drying my hair, when I look down, the child that was bawling, is sitting in the floor, by my feet, tears and snot just rolling down his face. At this point, I am crying...wondering how on earth my mom was able to do it with 2 kids. Why can't I pull it together!?! I am bawling. SOBBING. Overwhelmed. Pissed. Pretty ticked off that the person that helped me create this bundle of joy screwed me (figuratively) Ha. Ha. and now I'm sobbing, in the floor - with my child - like a child, because I am so overwhelmed because I am doing it all on my own. Everything. I get pretty mad at myself for needing a break. I mean, pretty ticked. Some people would KILL for more time with their child and I'm needing a break. I felt worthless. Selfish. So I had Connie come watch Tyler and I took off for a few hours. I felt absolutely horrible. The worst mother on the planet. Until I came home. I walked through the door and that little bundle of joy, ran to me, arms spread, reaching up for me. I put him in the car and we went to Mamaw's house...and he made me laugh the entire way there. Some things I wouldn't change for the world and being a mother is one of them :) So proud of all of you mothers out there!! I'm sure there are plenty of other meltdowns coming, but for now, I am proud and happy to be Tyler's mother.
Happy Mother's Day!
Happy Mother's Day!
...The Good Things...
Well, apparently - I'm a slacker and some of you actually read my blog - so it's good to know that you notice when I don't post!
I honestly can't complain with the way things have turned out. I mean, really. God had a plan for me all along! It's kind of like when you think the movie is almost over, and you think the credits are about to scroll...here comes another scene. For the longest time, I thought that God had put me right where he wanted me...umm...apparently, he didn't want me to be miserable the rest of my life, go figure! I never in a million years, thought I would be divorced and have to raise my children with different dads. I never thought that my family would be crushed and every dream I had of a family would be tossed out the window. Growing up - here's how I pictured my life...graduating high school, moving out with Kayla, going to college, probably working at Toyota for the rest of my life, staying in Kingston or Knoxville (Kayla - do you think we would have been ready for Knoxville?! HA HA!) I thought I would have a steady boyfriend, support myself, finally buy MY OWN car, just the 'norm'. Well, not so much. Actually, not at all! Everything I imagined for my life, God had other plans, different roads for me to travel - different, life-changing experiences for me to endevour. Marriage wasn't what I expected either. I expected everything to just be perfect, never have to work at anything, just be "married" and "together"...wow! Boy, I really didn't know ANYTHING and boy, did I EVER get married too young and "blinded"...I might as well have been blind because that is not what it was...far from it! Most of you know the situation and what I went through...but I just thought marriage was a grand idea, after the wedding, we would just live happily ever after. Umm...yeah...for about 6 months. Welcome to the real world, lady! I have never worked so hard at something my entire existence. NEVER. I never thought I would have to experience some of the worst name-calling, my ears have ever heard. I never thought I would be scared for my life or afraid for my son - having to grow up with a human being that I thought was so great, that I married, who turned into Satan, I felt like. I never thought I would have to call my brother at 3 am, bawling, because my husband would call me some of the worst things. I never thought I would have to leave for an entire weekend, with a baby and camp out in a hotel room and splurge on Ramen noodles and ice water, because I didn't have enough money, due to the fact that 'someone' needed it more than we did. Looking back, I remember thinking, "How in the world am I going to get out of this? I'm stuck...why did this happen to me?!" Prrreeettttty sure, all of that was God's plan - even the crying, sadness, heartache...and how I handled it, is still beyond me. A few blogs ago - I posted a list, a list of the things that I want to have in a man. Where on earth was this list when I was 18, before I got married, you ask?! Umm...non-existant. I knew what I wanted and NO ONE was going to tell me any different. Not even God. I was with that "life lesson" for 6 years, when I finally left, I knew the things I wanted, the things I didn't want. I couldn't have made that list without the simple fact that I have experienced something well beyond me. God's will. Good Things are coming and are here and I couldn't be more happy to know that God has his hand on my head, guiding me - in the lessons I've learned, the past I came from and the memories I had along the way. The friends that were there, the people I have met, the people that are in my life right NOW, that are loving me and supporting my every move. So, I made a mistake trying to do things my way. Yeah Yeah. I know. ::slap in the face:: uhum ::I told you so:: yeah, I'm hearing it pretty regularly from myself right now. I can't live my life in the past, in regret. Time to move forward with some happy times and a great future!! Ready for God to put me down - where he has carried me for the past 2 years, and let me walk on my own. My legs are strong now and ready for a different trail...it's all GOOD.
I honestly can't complain with the way things have turned out. I mean, really. God had a plan for me all along! It's kind of like when you think the movie is almost over, and you think the credits are about to scroll...here comes another scene. For the longest time, I thought that God had put me right where he wanted me...umm...apparently, he didn't want me to be miserable the rest of my life, go figure! I never in a million years, thought I would be divorced and have to raise my children with different dads. I never thought that my family would be crushed and every dream I had of a family would be tossed out the window. Growing up - here's how I pictured my life...graduating high school, moving out with Kayla, going to college, probably working at Toyota for the rest of my life, staying in Kingston or Knoxville (Kayla - do you think we would have been ready for Knoxville?! HA HA!) I thought I would have a steady boyfriend, support myself, finally buy MY OWN car, just the 'norm'. Well, not so much. Actually, not at all! Everything I imagined for my life, God had other plans, different roads for me to travel - different, life-changing experiences for me to endevour. Marriage wasn't what I expected either. I expected everything to just be perfect, never have to work at anything, just be "married" and "together"...wow! Boy, I really didn't know ANYTHING and boy, did I EVER get married too young and "blinded"...I might as well have been blind because that is not what it was...far from it! Most of you know the situation and what I went through...but I just thought marriage was a grand idea, after the wedding, we would just live happily ever after. Umm...yeah...for about 6 months. Welcome to the real world, lady! I have never worked so hard at something my entire existence. NEVER. I never thought I would have to experience some of the worst name-calling, my ears have ever heard. I never thought I would be scared for my life or afraid for my son - having to grow up with a human being that I thought was so great, that I married, who turned into Satan, I felt like. I never thought I would have to call my brother at 3 am, bawling, because my husband would call me some of the worst things. I never thought I would have to leave for an entire weekend, with a baby and camp out in a hotel room and splurge on Ramen noodles and ice water, because I didn't have enough money, due to the fact that 'someone' needed it more than we did. Looking back, I remember thinking, "How in the world am I going to get out of this? I'm stuck...why did this happen to me?!" Prrreeettttty sure, all of that was God's plan - even the crying, sadness, heartache...and how I handled it, is still beyond me. A few blogs ago - I posted a list, a list of the things that I want to have in a man. Where on earth was this list when I was 18, before I got married, you ask?! Umm...non-existant. I knew what I wanted and NO ONE was going to tell me any different. Not even God. I was with that "life lesson" for 6 years, when I finally left, I knew the things I wanted, the things I didn't want. I couldn't have made that list without the simple fact that I have experienced something well beyond me. God's will. Good Things are coming and are here and I couldn't be more happy to know that God has his hand on my head, guiding me - in the lessons I've learned, the past I came from and the memories I had along the way. The friends that were there, the people I have met, the people that are in my life right NOW, that are loving me and supporting my every move. So, I made a mistake trying to do things my way. Yeah Yeah. I know. ::slap in the face:: uhum ::I told you so:: yeah, I'm hearing it pretty regularly from myself right now. I can't live my life in the past, in regret. Time to move forward with some happy times and a great future!! Ready for God to put me down - where he has carried me for the past 2 years, and let me walk on my own. My legs are strong now and ready for a different trail...it's all GOOD.
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