I honestly can't complain with the way things have turned out. I mean, really. God had a plan for me all along! It's kind of like when you think the movie is almost over, and you think the credits are about to scroll...here comes another scene. For the longest time, I thought that God had put me right where he wanted me...umm...apparently, he didn't want me to be miserable the rest of my life, go figure! I never in a million years, thought I would be divorced and have to raise my children with different dads. I never thought that my family would be crushed and every dream I had of a family would be tossed out the window. Growing up - here's how I pictured my life...graduating high school, moving out with Kayla, going to college, probably working at Toyota for the rest of my life, staying in Kingston or Knoxville (Kayla - do you think we would have been ready for Knoxville?! HA HA!) I thought I would have a steady boyfriend, support myself, finally buy MY OWN car, just the 'norm'. Well, not so much. Actually, not at all! Everything I imagined for my life, God had other plans, different roads for me to travel - different, life-changing experiences for me to endevour. Marriage wasn't what I expected either. I expected everything to just be perfect, never have to work at anything, just be "married" and "together"...wow! Boy, I really didn't know ANYTHING and boy, did I EVER get married too young and "blinded"...I might as well have been blind because that is not what it was...far from it! Most of you know the situation and what I went through...but I just thought marriage was a grand idea, after the wedding, we would just live happily ever after. Umm...yeah...for about 6 months. Welcome to the real world, lady! I have never worked so hard at something my entire existence. NEVER. I never thought I would have to experience some of the worst name-calling, my ears have ever heard. I never thought I would be scared for my life or afraid for my son - having to grow up with a human being that I thought was so great, that I married, who turned into Satan, I felt like. I never thought I would have to call my brother at 3 am, bawling, because my husband would call me some of the worst things. I never thought I would have to leave for an entire weekend, with a baby and camp out in a hotel room and splurge on Ramen noodles and ice water, because I didn't have enough money, due to the fact that 'someone' needed it more than we did. Looking back, I remember thinking, "How in the world am I going to get out of this? I'm stuck...why did this happen to me?!" Prrreeettttty sure, all of that was God's plan - even the crying, sadness, heartache...and how I handled it, is still beyond me. A few blogs ago - I posted a list, a list of the things that I want to have in a man. Where on earth was this list when I was 18, before I got married, you ask?! Umm...non-existant. I knew what I wanted and NO ONE was going to tell me any different. Not even God. I was with that "life lesson" for 6 years, when I finally left, I knew the things I wanted, the things I didn't want. I couldn't have made that list without the simple fact that I have experienced something well beyond me. God's will. Good Things are coming and are here and I couldn't be more happy to know that God has his hand on my head, guiding me - in the lessons I've learned, the past I came from and the memories I had along the way. The friends that were there, the people I have met, the people that are in my life right NOW, that are loving me and supporting my every move. So, I made a mistake trying to do things my way. Yeah Yeah. I know. ::slap in the face:: uhum ::I told you so:: yeah, I'm hearing it pretty regularly from myself right now. I can't live my life in the past, in regret. Time to move forward with some happy times and a great future!! Ready for God to put me down - where he has carried me for the past 2 years, and let me walk on my own. My legs are strong now and ready for a different trail...it's all GOOD.
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